underneath your love.
this weekend was awesome.
the weather was beautiful.
the friends were amazing.
and you were there, the whole time. =)
wisdom teeth chronicles.
i had my wisdom teeth pulled out today. top and bottom left side. i don’t have any on my right side (hopefully never will).
this was the worst experience of my life. worse than heartbreak.
so i knew this day was coming since the day my dentist told me that my teeth were starting to grow in. she had told me that the top one definitely had to be taken out because it was growing in an odd way. she didn’t say much about the bottom one. she said that she wouldn’t be the one doing it, but another dentist who works there (who i’ve never met)
i had to pick a date and schedule an appointment. my problem was when to do it? i’m still in school till the end of may. i’m flying to florida right after school. the dentist was only available on fridays for extractions. so to do it before…or after florida? that was the question. i decided to do it before, that way i wouldn’t have to worry about it while i was there and then my mouth would be healed before july (for the district convention)
may 11 at 11:30am. two weeks before florida. a week after our circuit assembly.
the night before (more like the week before) the extraction i am nervous out of my wits. i had asked my dentist if i would be sedated, she said “no we don’t do that here. but you’ll be fine.” crap. i hate the sounds of a dentist. the drilling…the suction thing…clanking around in my mouth. sounds like they’re fixing a car in there. so i’m freaking out. i don’t get scared a lot. i was terrified.
i decided to have a “final meal” in shake shack, it would be a while before i could start chewing real food again. i had a shack stack, cheese fries, and a (free - because of the great american shake sale) vanilla shake
that night i had very vivid dreams (my dreams are becoming more and more vivid and real to me lately) where i already have gotten my teeth out and that i am fine. no pain what so ever.
why worry?
i worry a lot.
okay not a lot…
i worry most of the time.
as positive as i am when it comes to life, i spend most of my time worrying about possibilities. i guess its sort of normal. but that doesn’t mean that i have to like it.
i worry about you a lot. i don’t think i could take losing you again. i see what you’re doing and i don’t like it. sometimes i get that feeling in my gut about a person, whether that person is good or not. i get nothing but bad news from this one. i don’t know…something seems kind of off about this one.
sometimes i’m wrong i know that.
but when it comes to my gut, i trust it a lot. because most of the time, its right. intuition is something that i know i have a lot of.
and i don’t like it.
something seems wrong.
and i know that something IS wrong.
i just found out that this is what happened last time….and i do not want a repeat of that. ever.
if it happens again….
i don’t know if i could give you a second chance again…….
is this what it was like for you?
i want to be able to talk about this stuff with you.
but you’ve been distant…
i guess i’ll have to wait till i see you.
Insomnia diaries #1
I want to be likeable.
Whether you take that as a romantic or just a friendly kind of likeable is up to you.
But i def realize that i want people to like me. I want people to like my smile and my personality. My blunt honesty and my sarcasm.
I want people to like me.
Doesn’t everyone want this though?
Not to say that i would do ANYTHING for someone to like me.
Its kinda hard for me to explain.
But i want people to like me because i make them happy…
da[r]n it.
why is it that i start thinking about you in ridiculous quantities….
a few weeks before school ends….
distracted?
yes.
